So here it goes...
I've wanted a baby ever since I can remember. My earliest memory was when I was very young and a cousin asked what I wanted to be when I was older and the answer was always a mummy. That dream has never changed but when I was 16 I was told I probably couldn't have children, due to me having ovarian cysts. It never stopped me dreaming but it's always been my biggest fear, as what if after everything, It wasn't possible!
I'm the kind of person that has quite a negative view on life, as that way it's easier to face any disappointment. I was considered a geek at school and any friends I had somehow managed to stab me in the back. I was also bullied a lot and was never really very happy, to be honest I lived a life of misery. Now I'm not saying this for people to feel sorry for me. It's just how it was. I lived a miserable social life and was very much a loner. The only thing that saved me was my family and my dream of a future. I planned to qualify as a teacher, which everyone said I couldn't do, due to me having dyslexia, buy a house and a car and start a family. This was my plan and I had tunnel vision to do it. I believed I would never meet anybody because who could love me? So my plan for this was to do it by myself and if I couldn't, I would adopt. Nothing was going to stop me being a mummy.
So determined, I got myself through high school not getting all the grades I needed but it was enough to get me into college. In fact at college I got all A's when I was told I couldn't do it. I even got myself into my dream university by passing equivalency tests and I was well on my way. I was the happy confident person that I always dreamed of being. Nothing was going to stop me.
At New Year I went to a friends party where I met my future husband. Talk about fate, neither of us was actually going to go that night but thankfully we did and my life changed forever.
Over the next few months I got severely depressed, I started working a dead job which I hated. Less than minimum wage, I was miserable and poor. Thankfully the family issues were on there way up and things were getting better but everything else, except for my wonderful boyfriend was falling apart. Thankfully I met my soul mate when I met Ricky and he helped me keep it together and get my life back on track. With Ricky's and my mum and dads help I re-enrolled in college to get my official GCSEs due to my equivalency tests which got me into University not meaning anything to anywhere else.
A year later, I was back on my way with official GCSEs under my belt and I re-enrolled in a closer university to be nearer to home. Feeling like my life was back on track and my relationship getting stronger Ricky and I moved into our home in February and in the July we got engaged. Everything was going great and a new plan was invented. I was going to pass university, get a job as a teacher, get married (although I did want to do it sooner) buy our own home as we were still renting and start a family. I finally felt I could cope again. I passed my first and second year at University and things were looking up.
In January 2011, to celebrate the day we met, we decided to set the date for our wedding. I would be a Mrs on 14th July 2012. I started a new job and was working towards my goal.
If planning and saving for a wedding, going to University and working wasn't stressful enough, then ending up ill with Whooping cough, having to be a witness in a family court case and having the worst school placement of my life would send anyone over the edge. I therefore decided to I suspend my studies and concentrate on my Wedding and what was important. At this stage, after having such a bad placement, I wasn't sure I could go back. That place truly broke me and I didn't know if I could face it but I was hoping some time away would help me re-evaluate.
On Saturday 14th July 2012, I married the love of my life, my rock. It was an amazing day. Some people just think it's a piece of paper but our day was so special. It was amazing and we made memories which will last a lifetime.
When we got back from our fabulous honeymoon and decided the next step was to buy our own house. As coincidences go a perfect little house had just gone up for auction and we decided to give it a view. When we walked in, I knew it was home. That sounds daft, I know but it did. Clearly we liked being poor, buying a house after we had just paid for a wedding, so what the hell. We went down to the auction house and placed our bid. Oh my god, it was so scary, I could hardly breathe as the bids went in but Yay we won it. Our pathetic little shouts of joy made the whole room laugh. I can say now, I will never go to an auction again, it's to flipping stressful.
So here we are married and owning our own house. Little did we know how much work it was take to get ready. We moved in in September and gutted the place from the bottom up. It was hard going but well worth it. We had Christmas jumping over holes in the floor and managing without a kitchen. Microwave meals were the only option, I could never go back to them days but needs must.
As it was coming up to our first wedding Anniversary, I was feeling under the weather and decided to go to go-to-doc. I had a water infection and was sent away with antibiotics.
After not feeling better, I went back a few days later on 2nd July 2013, the doctor suggested we do a pregnancy test to rule it out. Adamant I wouldn't be pregnant, I was very reluctant for the doctor to do a test. Ricky and I sat there and joked about being pregnant, while the doctor was testing my sample and we laughed about him being strange to suggest it. I mean I was late but only by a few days and it wasn't the first time, id been late before and I couldn't have children anyway.
The doctor came back with a smile on his face and said would you like to know the results. Ricky and I looked at each other like no why don't you keep them to yourself :/ stupid question, of course we want to know what we already did. Well your pregnant he said. No I'm not, I blurted out. I was determined to argue with this liar. He said you are, look, showing me the test. Seeing the two pink lines I broke into tears and starred at it for a while not believing my eyes. Ricky looking like he had been hit by a train just starring in utter amazement. Then it hit me, id had sore breasts, was tired, late. It's all coming together now. Happiness is not a strong enough emotion to describe where I was. I was on cloud 9 how could I not be, the life I wanted was finally happening. I turned to Ricky and said are you happy. Still in shock he nodded his head with a smile. We walked out the hospital and he held me like a delicate flower, like I could break. I was still emotional and kept thinking did that actually happen.